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You Can't Beat the House
by Pat Cook
Directed by Holly McKinney and Scotty Kennedy
November 4, 6-9, 2025

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“I’ve had trouble breaking into a house before but this is the first time I’ve had problems breaking OUT again!” So moans Merle to his partner, Howie. These two minor-league burglars have really met their match this time, it seems. They decided on a house only to find, after managing to get into the place, that it’s up for sale and before they can leave, Conrad and Glenda, prospective buyers, show up. Merle figures they have two choices - either pretend to be real estate agents or beat it, making the buyers suspect them and call in the police. Merle begins to show the house while Howie ducks out to get the car. Now the REAL real estate agent shows up and Merle has to juggle the couple and the agent. Finally, as Merle gets rid of the her and is about to show the door to Conrad and Glenda, Howie arrives with the news that their car has been towed away. Suddenly a cop shows up, saying the police are looking for two suspicious characters in the neighborhood. Next in the parade of oddball characters is Conrad’ secretary, then Glenda’s mother, then her medium, Madame Zenobia. Oh, yeah! The place, it turns out, is haunted! This screwball comedy is one wisecrack after another and proves once again that “You Can’t Beat the House.”​
Cast
Dominic Rogers - Merle
Austin Henderson - Howie
Theron Struzik - Conrad
Morgan Miller - Glenda
Zephra Rogers - Real Estate Agent Courtney 
Paul Williams - Officer Larraby 
Brittany Faris - Lillian
Anna Lindsey - Madame Zenobia
Lindley Boyd - Secretary Brittany
Jerri Mayo - Fern

Crew
Holly McKinney - Director
Scotty Kennedy - 
Director 
Adrienne Pearson - Stage Manager 
Brenda Cardenas - Set Design/Construction 
Darlene Dotson - Set Design/Construction
Melvin Dotson - Set Design/Construction
Gary McKinney - Lighting and Sound
Beth Hammock - Ticket Coordinator 
Matt Hester - Videographer and Technical Advisor
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